Repeatedly Stabbed with a Ceramic Squirrel Over Lack of Beer

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North Charleston police arrested [Helen Williams] early Christmas morning after she reportedly stabbed a man with a ceramic squirrel in an argument over beer.

According to the report, he walked to a store earlier in the night to buy beer, but the store was closed. Williams grew angry that the man returned without the beer, the report said.

She grabbed a ceramic squirrel and hit the man over the head out of anger, police said. Williams then stabbed him in the shoulder and chest with the item, the report said.

Well, if you’re going to stab someone with a ceramic squirrel, doing it over them not bringing back beer isn’t the worst reason I have ever heard…

Photo of the assailant(s). Okay, the second is merely a representative of the species, but if one ceramic squirrel is guilty, surely they all must be hiding something. Other than nuts, I mean.

Via Post and Courier.

This entry was posted in Strange News by Heretic. Bookmark the permalink.

About Heretic

I design video games for a living, write fiction, political theory and poetry for personal amusement, and train regularly in Western European 16th century swordwork. On frequent occasion I have been known to hunt for and explore abandoned graveyards, train tunnels and other interesting places wherever I may find them, but there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I am preparing to set off a zombie apocalypse. Nothing that will stand up in court, at least. I use paranthesis with distressing frequency, have a deep passion for history, anthropology and sociological theory, and really, really, really hate mayonnaise. But I wash my hands after the writing. Promise.

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