The couple planning to do this are entirely serious—and they won’t be the first to travel to Hawaii for a dolphin-assisted birth. My professional opinion: this has to be, hands down, one of the worst natural birthing ideas anyone has ever had.
Because of their friendly disposition and common occurance in aquariums, we tend to think of dolphins as trustworthy, loving creatures. But let’s get real for a minute here. Dolphins don’t eat sunshine and fart roses. They’re wild animals, and they are known to do some pretty terrible things.
And by terrible things, let’s go down the list of what sweet creatures dolphins are, and what they do to other dolphins (and people):
- Gang rape
- Attacking and killing baby dolphins for practice
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not dissing dolphins in any way here. On the contrary, the more I hear about what douchebags dolphins and our closer cousins, chimpanzees are, it just reaffirms the opinion that it really doesn’t matter what kind of animal you are, given the power and opportunity, being an asshat isn’t the sole province of humanity.
So what does the site that is promoting this say?
The Sirius Institute, where the couple is headed, claims that a natural dolphin-assisted birth is completely safe. “Some of the reported occurrences include a mother and a baby playing with the dolphins within 45 minutes of the birth,” claims the site, “another instance of a free dolphin escorting a newborn human baby to the surface for its first breath.”
When Penn and Teller talked to the institute, they found that none of the mothers which came to Sirius actually went through with the ocean birth.
Image via Discover News.